Oh Dilli Oh Dilli (Driving Edition)

I live in the NCR. I should talk about it as well right? So i am going to do so handling one aspect at a time.

Today its driving in NCR (National Capital Region..i.e. Delhi, Noida, Gurgaon and itsy bitsy bits of Faridabad and Ghaziabad).

If i had to put it in one simple sentence...its a bloody NIGHTMARE.

What contributes to this horrible cocktail?

Here’s a list of common ingredients :

• Roads. Gurgaon roads would pwn the moon and other cratered planets in the ‘deepest and most’ crater competition. A business proposal to open up an ATV (all terrain vehicle) outlet makes more sense than other stuff. I have seen SUVs cry tears of blood being driven on the monstrosities we call roads in Gurgaon.

• Traffic Jams. Thank you DLF, for making a million plus corporate offices on one thin solitary strech of road. They all get off at roughly the same time, and the result is but obvious. It gave me a wierd satisfaction to see K.P. Singh’s wealth erode by half in the recent share market mutilation. Typical case of one company or individual making a fool out of a million individuals and thousands ( a lot of fortune 500 included) of companies. Of course it helps to explain that the government has been impotent as usual in providing corporate facilities that this builder did.

• The expressway toll/The MG road with its metro construction. People in the tag lane with no tags (A*******S). People breaking queues (M***********S). People and toll handlers haggling (DIPS***S). The MG road as is was a rollercoaster ride...now its a sleigh ride down a snowy himalayan slope!

• Cab Drivers. My Favourite brand of scum. Just Avoid Them. If you care for your life. A lot of people have ills to say about the outsourcing industry. I have no problem but one. The idiots cannot control their own facilities. The drivers overspeed, are rash, abusive, voilent and very often murderers. The companies should be ashamed of themselves to have a million dollars in revenue and not being able to curb the scumboy cabdriver.

• People using mobile phones while driving....not much to say but i wish we could impliment the same promotional/educational “coz he’s an asshole” campaign carried out in America to curb talking on the cell while driving.

• Aunties in cars. Tomahawk missiles, with no rearview mirrors, folded rearview mirrors, blind-when-they-look-in-those-mirrors. Have no sense of direction or relative motion. Blissfully unaware of others on the road beside them. Stopping whenever they fancy, starting whenever they fancy. i suggest mid term random driving checks for all. we will have fewer women drivers.

• Old geezers driving at 40 in the fastest lane. Dude....just cuz you dont get an erection anymore aint no reason you gonna torture the rest of society. Get off the road and buy some viagra, maybe it will give you an erection, maybe, a heart attack...both will work equally well.
  

• Rain. Its hilarious to see how a few droplets from heavens above reduce NCR to a dysfunctional heap. Please understand that driving your car above 20 will NOT cause it to lose control even if it is raining crude oil. Our dear civic bodies have only one type of drains functional; where money flows down the officials pocket.

I guess there are other minor ingredients as well (big daddy’s brat thinking he owns the road, autorick fiend etc etc), but then by now i have worked myself into such furious temper, that i need to go out for a long drive to calm my nerves.....wait......did i just write THAT?