Oh Dilli Oh Dilli - Happy New Year edition

Here we are :)

Its 01/01/08...the planet survived another year, and thats a miracle considering that we the humans still inhabit it. 

Yesterday i was worried that i’d end up ringing in the new year from the insides of a car. I actually ended up doing it. On the positive side of it, i didnt pay to party...yeah i DID carry a bottle of very nice vodka to the party...but not coz i HAD to. I just did it since i WANTED to...and that feels so nice. The other good thing being that there was camino inside camino, skyy inside skyy, black inside black, so n and so forth. Plus i PARTIED! :D

Now for the insight. Money will not get you either brains, or class, or mannerisms, or even simple plain common sense. Delhi has a lot of money. Q.E.D.

Last night i saw the swankiest of cars, the most good looking people, looking every bit of the million dollars that they are. 

They were sitting inside their cars at 0000 hrs, stuck in a blooming traffic jam, that was the result of their own doing. 

The simple fact that you have no manners, think you own the road and have no consideration for the felllow human, will cause a jam. 

Then you and your twenty five frikkin lakhs worth of car, will look like Paris Hilton attending a debate on international economic policy....i.e. STUPID!

While we are on the topic of stupidity...please let me admit to being afflicted by it. I was stupid enough to drink more than i should have...MUCH more than i should have. The icing on the cake was that i actually had the nerve of trying to drive back. Well, three minutes later i realized i could’nt. Not even at the speed of twenty. So i had one of the prettiest sweethearts get me home and tuck me in. All i can say is that i am grinning year to year (pun intended) while writing this.

Alhough all the crashed cars i saw on the way were an eye opener.

Keeping in line with tradition, i shall make New year resolutions:

• Get rid of my verbal loosies.
  
• Cut down on my partying.
  
• Cut down on my sugar intake.
  
• save money.
  
• Try and learn a new language.
  

Keeping my fingers crossed on these!

Have a great year ahead!

Oh Dilli Oh Dilli (Driving Edition)

I live in the NCR. I should talk about it as well right? So i am going to do so handling one aspect at a time.

Today its driving in NCR (National Capital Region..i.e. Delhi, Noida, Gurgaon and itsy bitsy bits of Faridabad and Ghaziabad).

If i had to put it in one simple sentence...its a bloody NIGHTMARE.

What contributes to this horrible cocktail?

Here’s a list of common ingredients :

• Roads. Gurgaon roads would pwn the moon and other cratered planets in the ‘deepest and most’ crater competition. A business proposal to open up an ATV (all terrain vehicle) outlet makes more sense than other stuff. I have seen SUVs cry tears of blood being driven on the monstrosities we call roads in Gurgaon.

• Traffic Jams. Thank you DLF, for making a million plus corporate offices on one thin solitary strech of road. They all get off at roughly the same time, and the result is but obvious. It gave me a wierd satisfaction to see K.P. Singh’s wealth erode by half in the recent share market mutilation. Typical case of one company or individual making a fool out of a million individuals and thousands ( a lot of fortune 500 included) of companies. Of course it helps to explain that the government has been impotent as usual in providing corporate facilities that this builder did.

• The expressway toll/The MG road with its metro construction. People in the tag lane with no tags (A*******S). People breaking queues (M***********S). People and toll handlers haggling (DIPS***S). The MG road as is was a rollercoaster ride...now its a sleigh ride down a snowy himalayan slope!

• Cab Drivers. My Favourite brand of scum. Just Avoid Them. If you care for your life. A lot of people have ills to say about the outsourcing industry. I have no problem but one. The idiots cannot control their own facilities. The drivers overspeed, are rash, abusive, voilent and very often murderers. The companies should be ashamed of themselves to have a million dollars in revenue and not being able to curb the scumboy cabdriver.

• People using mobile phones while driving....not much to say but i wish we could impliment the same promotional/educational “coz he’s an asshole” campaign carried out in America to curb talking on the cell while driving.

• Aunties in cars. Tomahawk missiles, with no rearview mirrors, folded rearview mirrors, blind-when-they-look-in-those-mirrors. Have no sense of direction or relative motion. Blissfully unaware of others on the road beside them. Stopping whenever they fancy, starting whenever they fancy. i suggest mid term random driving checks for all. we will have fewer women drivers.

• Old geezers driving at 40 in the fastest lane. Dude....just cuz you dont get an erection anymore aint no reason you gonna torture the rest of society. Get off the road and buy some viagra, maybe it will give you an erection, maybe, a heart attack...both will work equally well.
  

• Rain. Its hilarious to see how a few droplets from heavens above reduce NCR to a dysfunctional heap. Please understand that driving your car above 20 will NOT cause it to lose control even if it is raining crude oil. Our dear civic bodies have only one type of drains functional; where money flows down the officials pocket.

I guess there are other minor ingredients as well (big daddy’s brat thinking he owns the road, autorick fiend etc etc), but then by now i have worked myself into such furious temper, that i need to go out for a long drive to calm my nerves.....wait......did i just write THAT?

The first post thanks to twitter

I cannot wait any longer to think of a brilliant way to start off my blog. It would have been of no use as well cuz i have firm belief that no one is going to read this entry anyway. 

I owe my entry into the bloggosphere to twitter where this guy @shubhamsingal asked me if i had a blog and suggested that i should have one. I told him that i did not have a blog since my views border on the blasphemous almost always and i could end up being sued or shot. Gave it a serious thought and there must be a billion blogs out there...each one ranting out their views and more successful ones even dishing out some useful advice. So WHY in the world should mine actually be noticed... So with this viewpoint in mind i begin this journey of anonymous rantings.